New Mercies Everyday

What a ride we have been on with our agency. It has been filled with excitement, joy, fear, waiting, and tears.... and now it is over. I never imagined that we would be here today, that trying to bring home a baby would prove to be THIS difficult, and that Satan would pick on us, well actually I was ready for him but now I am seeing how powerful he can be and it has been by prayer alone that we have battled him. He thinks its over for us, that infertility and adoption would ruin our chance to parent but God has a plan. Although I am afraid right now to trust and move forward I know in my heart there is a seed somewhere that will be our baby.

I am afraid

to plant this seed.

the sun is warm,

the earth is rich and ready,

but the days go by, 

and no planting,

why?

The springtime of my life is passing by too

in a willing soil have borne no living fruit

so many times I've waited

hoped, 

believed

that God and nature would perform a miracle

nothing grew.

and often times I feel the mystery of life and growth

known to all but me, 

or that reality is not as it appears to be.

I have a choice:

to put aside this seed,

leaving the planting

to the proven growers,

pretending not to care.

for gardening and knowing

if I do not try I can not fail

or plant and risk again

the well known pain

of watching for the first brave green

and seeing only barren ground.

He also spoke about a seed,

the mustard's tiny grain,

almost too small to see,

but, oh-the possibilities!

those who doubt,

who fear,

are not inclined to cultivate it.

but it was to them he spoke,

and God remembered Sarah...

Rachel...

Hannah...

Elizabeth...

This seed in my hand,

the trowel in the other;

I am going to the garden

and the Gardener,

once more.

-Margaret Munk

.... its time to weep, and it will only be then that I begin to heal.