We Thirst

I owe it to myself and to those who follow to relive the past few days so that I may remember the work of His hands, not what we planned nor expected yet the suffering was short and the presence of God was and is near, here we go...
Thursday @ 3pm: We met "B" at Chili's with our attorney and her caseworker from the rehab facility she was in. The meeting went great just what we wanted she referred to the baby as ours, offered to let me be in the delivery room, feel her belly, and took time to look at pictures of our nursery. We spent 2 hours discussing her other 2 children, our story of not having children, and discussed the plan when she goes into labor which would be "B"s caseworker will call our attorney and in return call us to meet her at the hospital. We said goodbye and felt really positive and really exhausted as we went to bed.

Friday morning around 9am: Our attorney called me at work and said "B" has gone to the hospital and it was time for us to meet her there "be there at 11, and my assistant will meet you there" I was thrilled, that meant everything was going according to plan, our plan in my head. My mom picked me up from work and we raced over to All Children's Hospital in St Pete while Mike finished the last minute stuff at home, she was dilated 4 cm and I would call Mike to come over as we saw it was getting close. My mom and I were freaking out , driving like maniacs, and really couldn't believe it was happening. Our assistant met us and was telling us how tomorrow she would have "B" sign most of the papers so that on Sunday at the 48 hour mark she would only have to sign the last page giving the child to us. It was surreal. We sat in the waiting room because we were told that a nurse was with her right now but she will get us in a few minutes, few minutes went by and nothing until the elevator door opened and 2 women walked up and asked to see "B". Tears welling up I knew this was a possibility and here it was the step mom and her attorney, they were here for that baby too. My mom and I went downstairs as it proved to be too much for me at the time. Our assistant was going to check it out and call me when things were figured out I text Mike that they were here and to head over. We could not wait any longer down stairs so we decided to go back to the waiting area, we stepped out of the elevators doors and there is where I lost my heart, "B"s boyfriend is here too. He was in the room with her the whole time! This was bad, horrible! Our assistant took us to a corner to discuss what was going on. "B" signed with two agencies and today she said she picked the other agency  but the other agency was just an attorney there to represent the step mom in taking the baby. A nurse came over told us that "B" has asked us to leave. Asked US to leave, those words like a dagger. Now Mike was not here and I'm sure the reason for that would have been his rage but my mom & I took the blunt of it and just cried, we had lost something that was only a door away. Our assistant was very sorry and although we never met before she held my hand as we headed down the hallway. I'll never forget walking out those doors into a beautiful sunny Florida day but it might have well been pouring out. I found Mike parked across the street and I don't think he will ever be the same. WE are different now and anyone who has gone through any tragedy is different but hopefully we are a good different, we know how to pull together, we know our faith is much stronger than our mind, we know our Savior was human and suffered much greater than we ever will. It's tough, it's easy to say there will be another baby or this was not God's plan but the reality is still the same we are childless and that is painful.

"Sometimes the way is lonely and steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus, Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!"

And we did just that.