Home, sweet home

This post comes almost 2 weeks after being home, yet China and the memories are still very fresh. our time in China is like a wound, some had a spectacular time there we went we saw we came home with the most precious boy. BUT our time there was not glamorous, not spectaular, or wonderful it was hard, it was all very deep and dark. It was a time of loss for our son, grieving, trauma, and heartache. It was a time of real insight into our faith our commitment and our calling to adopt. It was a time to seek guidence, be in prayer, and to just pour love on to a child that was "unloveable". We flew to China on Friday December 12. I did not get to say goodbye to my babies that day. It was one of the hardest days I thought I was going to have. We arrived in China Saturday December 13 around midnight. It was long and tomorrow we are to meet the face we waited 18 months for. The night came and went as it always does thankfully and we loaded a bus Sunday afternoon to go to the civil affairs building, there 3 other families besides our self were ushered into a dark hallway and finally into a little room where a nanny was holding our sweet boy. There he was. There was Micah. There was KaiLe. I reached out to hold him so awkward yet natural. He leaned away. I leaned in closer and took him from his nanny, his only security there. He arched his back and made a little noise but never shed a tear. I held him close, whispered I am your momma. Momma is here now. That means nothing to him but it meant everything to me. I hold very dear the 12 days we spent in China, it was something that will never be completly exposed. There were very raw moments with our son, with each other, with my babies back home. There were moments filled with giggles and moments of shear screams of pain. To watch an orphan unfold into your son is the most amazing, terrifying thing.