A different kind of day

Today feels different, today I don't know what to do, how to act, what to even think about. One phone call flipped my world upside down. Nothing is definite. We just have to take things that happen now and really put them in perspective. All along we never tried to analyze things Bobbie has said or done because one is doesn't help to worry and two we can't change anything. As time winds down though we must protect ourselves, we must go into the situation aware of EVERTHING. So with that being said I did not have a good phone call with her yesterday, doubts are arising in her head which is typical as the end draws near but we need to know and I'm glad I had that phone call so I can take time now to start healing regardless of the outcome. My problem is not how to heal I can do that, I can overcome IF I knew it was over but it's not and may not be for anther 2 weeks. The problem I am having is remaining hopeful yet guarded. My husband has taught me a valuable lesson on this. "This is her baby not ours she can choose to keep her baby or give it to us, that is her decision. This baby is NOT OURS." It's just another part of adoption and though the waters are starting to get rough we must continue to shore. So before I said we would like her to go 40 weeks I changed my mind I want her to go into labor now and this will all be over. One. Way. Or. Another.

He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?"